Helicopter Mom Versus the Park Bench Mom

It's not uncommon for a topic to role around inside my head for awhile before I finally decide to gather it all up and write about it. These are topics that with any other children I imagine I could work through easily, but with my own...well that's a whole different story...

It started a few weeks ago when we were in Sandpoint for River's birthday party. Sara and Brad have a great neighborhood park (right on the lake) that the kids love to play at. Sara asked, "How do we become park bench moms?" As I looked around all these other mothers were sitting on park benches, checking e-mails on their phone, visiting with friends, enjoy the sun...whatever, but here Sara and I were right in/on the playground fully engaged with our children. Now some might argue right away the benefits of engaged parents. When you are engaged with your child you are building a responsive and caring attachment, you may meet your child's needs more easily (certainly safety needs), and hopefully you are scaffolding all sorts of learning because you are right there and aware of the teachable moment. This is me. It's also my sister. A lot of it comes from our education, training and experience with young children, including young children with special needs. These are the skills necessary of a great early childhood educator, and we know that, it's ingrained in us. But what I'm pondering is....is it always the best as a parent?

When we are not engaged it is very typical for our children to notice right away...and to "check-in." That is, if they have even left us to begin with. This is tough to describe without sounding like I'm trying to accuse myself of making my own child dependent on me or "needy." I don't feel really guilty about these things, because I've studied parenting enough to know that every relationship is unique, and every child is unique. Certain children, develop certain parenting habits of their particular parents. And although many parents try to always do their best, be the "right" kind of parent, I believe it all comes down to a natural instinct and that relationship between parent and child.

I'm finding myself wanting to be more of a park bench mom now. I want it for myself and my children. I want to sit down for a second, I want to talk on the phone, check my e-mail...whatever. I've found this even more difficult as a stay-at-home mother, when all my time is my children's time. I don't remember which T. Barry Brazelton book, because I've read almost all of them, but he has said that "the sign of a healthy attachment is detachment."

I've concluded, at least for now, that like everything with raising young children...it's a process. Children need us to be helicopters at times, and they need us to be park bench moms too. They need to know that we trust them and that moms should take a few moments for themselves too. And I of course can't "conclude" without pointing out that sitting back and observing is a very powerful parenting tool. And it's something that parents I haven't been doing enough of.

So...here's yet another,  Mommy Reality Check: Sometimes the best mom is a Helicopter on a Bench Mom!

Well I can't finish a "mommy pondering post" without a glimpse of said children...coincidentally...at a park. Enjoy.